Category Archives: kink

It’s not what but who: the problems of desire

I have NO IDEA AT ALL, none whatsoever, how to cope with my own desire. None at all. So for me, Holly’s post is a bit offbeam. I’m mostly cheerfully open about *what* I want, the things I like doing in bed, my kinks and foibles. I can discuss *that* with strangers and friends as well as with lovers, although I too am susceptible to awkwardness in the heat of the, er, moment. But desire fucks me up. How to express wanting someone, even how to deal with those feelings and/or the possibility of rejection – I’m utterly lost. Continue reading

Posted in Culture, Hunger, kink, Love, Psychobabble, Sex, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

On Subversion and Perversion: in passionate defence of burlesque

Ms Penny is undoubtedly right about the values of the industry that produced Burlesque the movie. But about the subversive, perverted, challenging, playful subculture it claims to represent? Hardly. As Ms Bitz pointed out on Women’s Hour only last week, there is so much more to burlesque than that film. Ms Penny makes the same mistake as Hollywood there. To conflate a Hollywood interpretation – the product of an industry with often precisely the values she erroeously ascribes to burlesque – with burlesque itself, particularly in this country, is anathema to many current burlesque performers.Largely because of the joy which burlesque performers frequently take in challenging, deconstructing and undermining contemporary gender and sexual stereotype. Continue reading

Posted in Culture, kink, Psychobabble, Sex, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

What I Think About When I Think About Porn.

Thing is, for me porn’s never quite what i think it is for a lot of men, a safe world of ultimately controllable sexuality. Sex that you don’t have to think about or engage with or care about, that you can switch on or off like a tap. I’m involved with it, engaged with it, good or bad. Continue reading

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You got me wondering why I,I like it rough…

There seem to be very few socially sanctioned cultural spaces for the expression of entirely natural female aggression, or even assertion. From what I’ve seen, women in both social and business relationships are by and large assumed and expected to take a conciliatory, facilitating role, to not only avoid but defuse conflict, to allow men space to dictate agendas and boundaries, to work for compromise and co-operation not individual assertion. This is by no means wholly a bad thing. But it does leave women very little space to express the frustrations and impositions of everyday life without being judged, condemned or punished for it. Continue reading

Posted in Culture, kink, Psychobabble, Sex, Uncategorized | 9 Comments